i am not my khakis

"You are not your job. You are not how much you have in the bank. You are not the contents of your wallet. You are not your khakis. You are not a beautiful and unique snowflake."

This morning i woke up and spent 4 hours agonizing over a choice. the weather has dropped to the low 20s and i have purchased two winter coats thinking i would return one and this morning was the day i was supposed to return one. the problem is that i wanted both of them and the decision took so long (and is ongoing) because of my desire and need to define myself by my possessions. i don't blame the anxiety on the rucksack life, but i do think it has made things worse.

when i was in college, this would no be a problem. i would have two winter coats. i didn't need that one coat which expressed who i was, that would be impossible, but maybe the conglomeration of coats and jackets would be a good representation of who i was even if no one article was.

it seems like money. the people who have it all and the people who have nothing are most satisfied. the people who buy and consume everything and the people who have no possessions have the least amount of stress. and right now, i feel like i am right in the middle.